I have to admit that this whole puppy thing has taught me a few things in life that I didn’t actually know before. I thought that newborn (human) babies were exhausting, and they are, but so is a litter of seven puppies. Seven little puppies depending on us to get to the next level, whatever that may be. I don’t think I’ve ever prayed to God for poop, but I did last week, and it did work……on exactly four out of the seven that night. Hey- it’s more than 50%! I never had to pray for pee…that came naturally…and abundantly…and usually all over me and the kitchen floor. I’ve learned that Polly has a motherly side to her. She went through great pains to “snip” at Luci and Patsy to tell them who was the “boss”. She was so damn effective at it that Patsy won’t even look at her now. Polly is finally “all cool” with Lu and Pats, but Patsy wants no part, I repeat, NO PART of Polly and her pups. Which brings me to be in shock that: A) Patsy is actually letting this affect her and B) Patsy isn’t fighting back. Yes, this is Patsy who in the morning can ignore my calls, pleas, shrieks and cussing to come in to eat. “Did you hear that crazy lady this morning Patsy?” Patsy: “What crazy loud lady? All I heard was Sinatra whining.” But the biggest learning episode has come with my 4 year old, Brenna. No, Brenna doesn’t know how puppies are made (a box arrives from Fed Ex and….VOILA! We have puppies!), but she does understand the whole nursing process. She can stay on the chair, in her booster seat pulled up to the side of the whelping box and watch the nursing pups for the whole hour. Kind of like a petting zoo, you know? Give the girl a bag of “feed” and I could get a lot more sleep than what I have not been getting. And she’s really conscientious about giving us a play-by-play. If we had a dry erase board nearby, John Madden would be proud. “Mom….he’s off…..uh, no he’s back on.” In an effort to be CORRECT, we taught her the word nipple. So it’s usually, “Mom…..he’s off the NIPPLE!” The word pierces right through me every time. It’s just one of those words that makes me cringe. It almost makes the hair on my neck stand up. Its nipple this, nipple that every time Polly is nursing. My mom was over this weekend and she and Brenna were petting Polly. Brenna points to Polly’s, um, nipples and says, “Look grandma.” So what does my mom do? “Those are Polly’s titties.” I shot my mom a look and before she saw it Brenna says, “No they’re not. Those are her nipples.” Score one for Miss Know-It-All! Why the hell my mom said that is beyond me. Clearly not a word I want her to learn, but hey, she knows worse. The next day I took Brenna in town to run some errands. We had to pick up a prescription at Walgreens and as I’m doing the transaction, doesn’t Brenna look at the really cute pharmacist and say, “Polly has nipples. They’re for her puppies. They need to suck on those to get milk.” Mortified! Yeah, well, she obviously doesn’t know how to edit yet!
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OMG i am laughing my butt off! Out of the mouth of babes!